So here’s good news for the citizens of Portland, Oregon. You’ll have more time to loot, cuz the riot squad gave themselves the boot.
Yep – the guys and gals on the front lines of mayhem, resigned en masse (that’s together, Kat), after the indictment of one of their officers for allegedly smacking a photographer during an overnight riot last August. So all 50 of them quit. Can’t say I blame them.
Think about it — you’re brought in to stop a riot, cuz that’s your job. And lately, you’ve been busier than Brian Stelter at the Costco free sample cart. There’s chaos, mayhem, smoke, fire, fists, the stench of body odor. You know – like rehearsal on the set of “The View.” And all you’re trying to do is control things, and save lives.
And yet you get busted for hitting someone at a riot who happens to have a camera in the thick of it. Something Alec Baldwin does every day. You see how it’s a losing proposition. It’s like apologizing to the woke mob. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Or if you’re the remaining law-abiding citizens of Portland who can’t move out: just damned to hell. Especially when you have a mayor this pathetically weak.
Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler August 30, 2020: I’m going to do the work that I need to do here in my local community with my local officials to take accountability for what’s happening on our streets. And I’d appreciate that either the president support us, or he stay the hell out of the way // July 22, 2020: I stand with you no matter what. And if they launch the tear gas against you, they are launching the tear gas against me.
Fact is – a decorated officer was doing the best job he could, but since our politicized criminal justice system has replaced an actual justice system, he’s the villain. He pays. Not the criminals. It’s just the way it goes. In a progressive paradise. A little background on that night in Portland – roughly 200 demonstrators had approached the Multnomah building in Portland. The media calls them demonstrators, but that’s like calling arsonists, careless smokers.
They came with tactical helmets armed with weaponry, their cowardly faces covered. Exactly what I wore in Larry Kudlow’s hot tub. They set fire to dumpsters of course, which raises the eternal question: why the hate against dumpsters? Maybe it’s self-hatred. Garbage attacking garbage. But maybe they think the fire will sterilize a dumpster before they move in.
They defaced buildings, broke windows, tossed Molotov cocktails in the Multnomah building – setting it on fire. In Portland, this is known as making s’mores. As in, “You’re gonna get s’more rioting, now that you’ve defunded your police.” Rioting is more routine in Portland than listening to NPR while charging your Prius.
So imagine being tasked with dealing with these…. Animals. I don’t even know I can call them animals – cuz animals are better creatures than these sad losers. Have you seen Antifa mugshots? Be glad they’re not scratch ’n’ sniff. They look like their fight for justice includes a war on soap – and Clearasil. They could be cast in ‘cats’ without any make-up.
But what if your job was to stop these violent cretins – but when you do, it doesn’t matter. In October of last year, county DA Mike Schmidt (great third baseman, s****y lawyer) rejected over 540 riot-related cases in the “interest of justice” – resorting to a catch-and-release policy for suspects. These are felons not fish you a**hole! That kind of punishment wouldn’t even make Jeffrey Toobin put his pants on.
This is happening all over – thugs get arrested for terrible crimes, and then released before the next person they sucker punch hits the ground. A recent monster who sucker-punched an elderly Asian woman had been arrested 40-some times. If only they’d sent a social worker or a vegan chef.
You’d think maybe the judge would have seen this coming when cities did away with bail. But he probably went to an Ivy League school, which is like giving yourself a 60 grand-a-year head injury. So what happens now that the riot cops aren’t gunna show up for the weekly riot? Well, the rioters rejoice.
And the remaining cops have no clue what’s gunna happen next – there’s not enough boots on the ground. This, as massive demonstrations are planned for the coming weekend.
So think about the world’s worst mayors. You got the hedgehog homicider (Bill de Blasio) who allowed the greatest safest city to descend into creepy madness. The upside: the thug trying to mug you has to now step over a dead heroin addict to attack.
You got this deep-dish dumbass (Lori Lightfoot) who writes psychotic emails about private time while Chicago’s citizens die. Being mayor cuts into her “me” time that’s the crime.
You got this spineless sack of jelly (Jacob Frey) – who did nothing other than kneel before the arsonists while his city of Minneapolis burned.
And you got this the putz from Portland (Ted Wheeler). Would you work for this ass hat? Sorry, calling him an ass hat insults asses and hats.
What do all of these leaders have in common? Other than they couldn’t manage an Arby’s, never mind a major city. But obviously, they’re progressive democrats. Seriously, don’t you think voters would have learned a lesson by now?
That the only thing progressives do is make things progressively worse.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the June 18, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”